An Alternative to New Year’s Resolutions
As long as I can remember, I’ve loved New Year’s. For me, New Year’s is a natural reflection point and exciting transition, a reminder to be intentional about what comes next. A few weeks before New Year’s Eve, I start daydreaming about what I want the next year to look like and get energized by all the possibilities. I used to set lofty New Year’s resolutions - a list of goals that I’d start to pursue come January 1. Many of these goals were arbitrary, that is, not connected to any greater “why.” They were often things I thought I “should” do, instead of actions aligned with who I wanted to be and what deeply mattered to me. Sure, I’d accomplish some goals that were satisfying (shout out to the year I managed to read 2 books each month all year!). Though, more often than not, I’d abandon my goals a few weeks in, realizing that the excitement of setting the goal and imaging the outcome was more fun than the process of working towards them.
In recent years, I’ve changed my strategy a bit. I still love New Year’s and lean fully in to the energy it gives me, but instead of making a list of arbitrary goals, I decide on a word or phrase for the year to keep at the forefront of my mind that I can use to inform my decisions and actions throughout the year. It wasn’t until I started studying Acceptance & Commitment Therapy more deeply that I realized what I was doing in preparation for the year ahead was reflecting on my values.
Values describe how we want to show up in our lives - how we want to act, treat others and ourselves, what sort of person we want to be, and what sorts of strengths we want to develop. In ACT, we center in on values as the foundation for the choices we make and behaviors we want engage in more. Over time, values become a primary source of motivation and the “why” that often gets lost amongst all the “shoulds”. In contrast to goals or resolutions, values can never be cleanly checked off a list. They are inherently not fully accomplish-able. Instead, we can think about values as guideposts - beacons that can provide direction for our lives and actions.
Some other qualities of values:
Values aren’t necessarily actions in and of themselves. Instead, they help us define what our ideal actions are. For example, let’s say you value compassion. There isn’t only one to be compassionate. There are hundreds of actions you could take in pursuit of it. In this way, compared to goals, values expand the options available to us in any given domain of our lives.
Values evolve over time. What was meaningful to you at age 25 may not matter to you as much at age 45. And that’s ok! It’s natural for our priorities to shift and change during different stages of our lives. Hold onto them loosely!
Values are personally chosen. You decide what your values are - not your family, your friends, or even your therapist. You get to decide what’s most meaningful to you.
I bet they’re thinking about their values…
My Example
The value I chose to be more intentional about in 2024 is “Simplicity.” Some of the actions I’ve identified that are in line with this value are:
Implementing routines and systems to reduce the number of daily decisions I have to make
Using what I have first before investing in something new
Focusing on the essentials rather than continuously wanting more
Setting better boundaries to reduce the responsibilities I take on throughout the year so I can focus more on my main priorities
Ultimately, my hope is that the leaning into simplicity will create more space and ease in my life and give me more time, money and mental energy to spend on the activities and relationships that actually mean most to me in the long term, instead of catering to fleeting wants and whims.
Your Turn
Choose a value that you’d like to focus on more in 2024. Here’s a list for inspiration: List of Common Values & Their Definitions
Consider what actions are aligned with the value you chose. Think about the various domains of your life (relationships, career, personal growth, etc), and write down some ideas of actions you could take in each area. If you feel stuck, ask yourself, “what does someone who demonstrates this quality do on a daily basis?”
Commit to the actions you’ve outlined. Schedule time on your calendar to complete them or set reminders for yourself. Notice what it feels like to engage more in valued action.
Next Steps
While the new year is a great time to revisit and reflect on our values, it doesn’t have to be the only time. Consider setting aside time for yourself every month or so to reflect on the ways you’re committing to your values and adjust as necessary. This is an evolving and continuous process of self discovery in pursuit of a vital and fulfilling life.
And don’t get me wrong - goals are important, too! But if we only focus on the desired outcome of goals instead of the process of achieving them (i.e. the valued actions that help us get there), then we’re bound to be consistently left wanting more and can put ourselves in a more vulnerable position for disappointment if (and when!) we fall short of our expectations because of forces out of our control.
If you’re interested in learning more about how to apply ACT principles to your life, check out the resources below or reach out here for a consultation call today.
Resources about ACT
For non-therapists:
The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living by Russ Harris
The Happiness Trap Online Program
For therapists and mental health professionals:
ACT Made Simple: A Quick Start Guide to ACT Basics and Beyond by Russ Harris. Chapter 19 has an especially helpful definition of values and how to work on cultivating them.
Credits
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